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In this post, I share personal tips, real-life examples, and 10 must-read resources for building resilience in the face of rejection.
Dealing with rejection is never easy, but it is a necessary part of life. As someone who has worked in Hospitality and Facilities Management for many years, I have had my fair share of rejections. However, I have also learned how to handle them positively and use them as opportunities for growth.
One example of rejection that stands out in my mind was when I applied for a management position at a hotel. I had all the qualifications and experience necessary, but the position ultimately went to someone else. At first, I felt frustrated and discouraged, but I knew that I could not let this rejection define me.
Instead of dwelling on what could have been, I used this rejection as motivation to improve my skills and knowledge. I enrolled in additional courses and attended networking events to meet other professionals in my field. As a result, I became even more qualified and eventually landed a different management position that was even better than the one I had initially applied for.
Photo by Susanne Jutzeler
Another way I have learned to handle rejection is by not taking it personally. It is easy to feel like a failure or to think that someone is rejecting us as a person, but the reality is that rejection often has nothing to do with us personally. Sometimes, there are simply more qualified or experienced candidates, or the timing is not right.
Early in my career, I had been working at a hotel for several years and felt that I had demonstrated my value to the company. I had taken on additional responsibilities and consistently received positive feedback from both guests and colleagues. As a result, I decided to ask for a pay increase during my performance review.
During the review, I made my case for the pay increase, citing my accomplishments and contributions to the company. However, my supervisor informed me that due to budget constraints, the company was not able to offer me a raise at that time.
At first, I was disappointed and frustrated, as I had been counting on the raise to improve my financial situation. However, I knew that I couldn't let this rejection discourage me. Instead, I used it as motivation to work even harder and to demonstrate even more value to the company.
Over the following months, I continued to take on additional responsibilities and to exceed expectations in my role. I also looked for opportunities to save the company money and improve efficiency wherever possible. Eventually, my efforts were noticed and I was offered a promotion with a significant increase in pay.
Looking back, I realize that the rejection of my initial request for a pay increase was a valuable learning experience. It taught me the importance of perseverance and demonstrated that hard work and dedication do pay off in the long run.
One thing that has helped me deal positively with rejection is to focus on the things that are going well in my life. Whether it is spending time with loved ones, engaging in hobbies or pursuing personal goals, there are always positive things to focus on even in the face of rejection. This helps to keep me grounded and to put things in perspective.
Here are some other examples of rejections I have experienced in my career:
Proposal for a new sustainability initiative: I had suggested implementing a new program to reduce waste and energy consumption in a hotel where I worked. However, the proposal was rejected due to concerns over the initial cost of implementation. While it was disappointing, I used the rejection as an opportunity to research more cost-effective solutions and ultimately found a way to implement the initiative on a smaller scale.
Idea for a new training program: I proposed a new training program for staff members at a facility I managed. However, the idea was rejected due to concerns over the additional workload it would create. While it was frustrating, I used the rejection as an opportunity to get feedback on how I could make the program more manageable for staff members and reworked the proposal accordingly.
One example of rejection that I faced was when I was passed over for a promotion at my previous company. I had worked hard and felt that I was the most qualified candidate for the position. However, when the decision was made, I was not chosen. At first, I felt angry and frustrated. But after taking some time to reflect on the experience, I realized that there were areas where I could improve. I worked on developing my leadership skills and building stronger relationships with my colleagues. In the end, I was able to secure a promotion at a different company that was a better fit for me.
In each of these examples, I initially felt frustrated or disappointed by the rejection of my ideas. However, I learned to use rejection as an opportunity to learn, get feedback, and improve my ideas. This allowed me to grow and develop as a professional, and ultimately, to be more successful in my career.
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio
Here are some of the key things that have helped me deal with rejection:
Take time to process your emotions
When you receive a rejection, it’s important to allow yourself time to process your emotions. Whether you feel angry, sad, or disappointed, it’s okay to feel those emotions. Take some time to reflect on what happened and allow yourself to feel your emotions fully. This can help you to move on and approach the situation with a clearer head.
Don’t take it personally
One of the biggest mistakes that people make when facing rejection is taking it personally. It’s important to remember that rejection is often not a reflection of your personal worth or abilities. There are often many factors at play that are outside of your control. Try to separate yourself from the rejection and focus on what you can learn from the experience.
Focus on what you can control
When facing rejection, it’s easy to feel helpless and out of control. However, it’s important to remember that there are always things that you can control. Focus on the things that you can do to improve your situation. This might include learning new skills, networking with new people, or seeking out new opportunities.
Learn from the experience
Rejection can be a valuable learning experience if you approach it with the right mindset. Take some time to reflect on what happened and what you can learn from the experience. Did you make any mistakes? What could you do differently next time? Use the rejection as an opportunity to grow and improve.
Stay positive
Finally, it’s important to stay positive when facing rejection. Remember that rejection is not the end of the world and that there are always new opportunities around the corner. Stay focused on your goals and keep moving forward. A positive mindset can help you to overcome rejection and achieve your dreams.
In conclusion, rejection is a normal part of life, but it does not have to define us.
Rejection can be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s important to approach it with a positive and constructive mindset. Take time to process your emotions, don’t take it personally, focus on what you can control, learn from the experience, and stay positive. With these tools in your toolkit, you can overcome rejection, use it as an opportunity for growth, achieve your goals and move forward with confidence.
10 Must-Read Resources for Building Resilience in the Face of Rejection
The Rejection Therapy Handbook: 101 Creative Ways to Turn Rejection Into Opportunity by Jia Jiang - This book offers practical exercises and techniques for reframing rejection as an opportunity for growth and learning. It includes real-life examples and insights from the author's own experiences with rejection.
Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection by Jia Jiang - This book chronicles the author's experiences of intentionally seeking out rejection as a way to overcome his fear of it.
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga - This book presents a philosophy of individualism and self-acceptance that can help readers to better handle rejection and criticism.
Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life by Susan David - This book provides practical advice for developing emotional resilience and flexibility, which can be helpful in dealing with rejection.
The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale - This classic self-help book offers advice and techniques for cultivating a positive mindset, which can help readers to better handle rejection.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson - This book offers a refreshing take on the importance of accepting and even embracing rejection as a natural part of life.
The Gift of Imperfection by Brené Brown - This book explores the role of shame and vulnerability in our lives and offers practical advice for building resilience and self-acceptance in the face of rejection.
Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant - This book offers stories and insights into how people have coped with and overcome various forms of adversity, including rejection.
Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach - This book offers mindfulness-based practices for cultivating self-compassion and acceptance, which can be helpful in dealing with rejection.
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck - This book explores the role of mindset in shaping our approach to challenges and setbacks, including rejection. It offers practical advice for developing a growth-oriented mindset that can help readers to bounce back from rejection and learn from failure.
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